The most important property of humankind is the capacity to form and maintain relationships. Human relationships are absolutely necessary for any of us to survive, learn, work, love, procreate and lead a successful life. The relationship you and your baby form will provide the working framework for all subsequent relationships he or she will develop.

The special bond that forms in a maternal-infant, or primary caregiver-infant, relationship is called an attachment. This powerful, first relationship is characterized by four main features: it is an enduring bond with a specific, special person; it provides a sense of comfort, soothing and pleasure; it provides a sense of security and safety; and loss or threat of loss of the loved one causes intense anxiety and sadness. When healthy attachment capacity is developed in the young child, he or she has a jump-start on healthy relationships throughout life. But when attachment bonding is insufficient, children are at risk for a host of emotional, social and physical problems.

The capacity and desire to form emotional relationships is related to the organization and functioning of specific parts of the human brain. Just as the brain allows us to see, smell, taste, think, talk and move, it is also the organ that allows us to love — or not. Experiences during the first few years of life are critical to shaping the capacity to form intimate and emotionally healthy relationships. Empathy, caring, sharing, inhibition of aggression, capacity to love and numerous other characteristics of a healthy, happy and productive person are related to the core attachment capabilities which are formed in infancy and early childhood.

To a certain degree, genetics determine the capacity of your newborn to form an attachment with you. Your baby's survival depends on it. However, it is the nature, quantity, pattern and intensity of early life experiences that express that genetic potential. Without predictable, responsive, nurturing and sensory-enriched caregiving, a baby's potential for normal bonding and attachment will be unrealized. The brain systems responsible for healthy emotional relationships need the right kinds of experiences at the right times in life to develop in an optimal way. How you relate to your baby in the first years of life will help him or her form that important attachment.

What are these right kinds of experiences? Bonding experiences -- specifically, the acts of holding, rocking, singing, feeding, gazing at, kissing and other nurturing behaviors. Factors crucial to bonding include gentle, loving touch, face-to-face interactions, eye contact, words spoken and sung, affection and time spent together. One could not underestimate the value of time spent with your newborn. Infants need quantities of quality time. The qualities they require during that time are attention and "attunement." Paying attention to your baby's non-verbal cues and being responsive to his needs, while being verbal and engaging will enhance the emotional connection between you. Also, babies need quiet. They need quiet time with you. For optimal bonding, try to minimize distractions like the phone, the television, or a busy shopping mall. When you are with your baby really "be" with him.

Scientists believe one of the most important factors in creating an attachment is positive, physical contact such as holding, hugging and rocking. These bonding behaviors cause specific neurochemical activities in the brain, which in turn, lead to normal organization of the brain systems that are responsible for attachment. The Baby Bonding Book abounds with suggestions for how you can provide these types of bonding experiences. This simple and useful book will help you in the most powerful and influential role that any person can ever have - that of a parent. Although these bonding activities appear simple, they have amazing power. They can literally help you shape the biological organization and functional capacity of your infant's brain in positive ways. Your baby will benefit tremendously from these simple activities. In addition, you will both feel the pleasure of growing together. When we put aside the over-valued activities of our busy world and give our babies attention, affection and adoration we all benefit.

I want you to read this book (The Baby Bonding Book) and do these activities with your baby. I ask you to do it because I am selfish. I know if you do, the world I live in, and the world my children live in, will be a better one. The more children that enter school with the capacity to form and maintain healthy relationships, the fewer children there will be that need special education, mental health intervention, child protection or juvenile justice actions and substance abuse interventions. Ultimately, the more we nurture our children, the healthier our world becomes.

Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D.
Senior Fellow, ChildTrauma Academy
Houston, TX
http://www.childtrauma.org/

Medical Director, Provincial Programs in Children's Mental Health
Alberta Mental Health Board,
Calgary, Alberta